It feels monumental to celebrate the official tenth anniversary of Introspective Family Therapy. When I founded Intro in 2014, I felt called to envision a new way of creating a family therapy collective. Little did I know just how much Introspective would grow—and how much it would impact me.
In celebration of these remarkable ten years, I wanted to reflect on some of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned:
1. We all need to feel purposeful.
One common drive as humans, whether in relationships, careers, or personal hobbies, is knowing you have a purpose. Having a sense of purpose fuels our self-worth and our happiness. It has a cascading impact on every facet of our lives—from the way we interact with strangers on the train to how we treat our own family members. Our sense of purpose is what makes life worth living.
2. Everything is in the gray area.
Many of us are taught to see the world through polarity—black and white, good and bad, happy or sad. The truth is our entire world, both internal and external, is filled with gray areas. Ultimately, these polarities do not serve us. They may temporarily help to make sense of the world around us, but in the long-term, they only weigh us down and divide us.
3. There is no winning or losing in couples therapy.
At its core, committing to couples therapy is about partnership and collaboration—not about competition. Many couples I’ve worked with over the years have begun their sessions with the notion that one will emerge victorious, and the other will have to adjust their behavior.
In reality, there is never a victor or a loser in couples therapy. If couples are willing to set aside this notion and approach their challenges in tandem, that’s when the true, important work starts.
4. No one has the answer you’re looking for.
I’ve seen countless individuals, couples, and families pursue therapy as a quick fix or a last-resort solution. They wish for someone to give you the answer, and send you on your way.
The truth is that all the answers we seek are already inside us. Therapy empowers us with the guidance, tools, and insight. It gives us the authority to look inward and trust our own internal compass, instead of seeking external validation and permission.
5. Holding space for someone is the magic pill.
Holding space has become Introspective’s unofficial motto over the years—and it’s because I’ve seen firsthand just how transformative this can be.
In a culture that’s always rushing, always busy, always distracted, taking time to hold space for someone else is magical. Most of us don’t need a prescriptive solution; we just need a moment to feel heard and understood.
6. Shame around therapy and emotions in our culture is very real.
Even though we are seeing a cultural shift in the prevalence of therapy and self-help, I still see so much shame around therapy and emotions. Many clients have internalized shame from childhood—and this can transfer to negative feelings affecting an individual’s core sense of self. Shaming culture is not empowering, it creates problems to go underground and remain unresolved.
7. Your external world is a mirror of your internal world — and vice versa.
The state of your inner emotional landscape often reflects your external world—whether it be your relationships, your career, and your general outlook on life. It always leads back to us, the common denominator.
If you want to change your life, start by introspection and identifying the operating systems and programs that run your life. How do you think, act, and react in the world? Disrupting and changing those patterns is the path toward a new reflection in the mirror.
8. Busyness is not a badge of honor.
When we remain in a state of busyness, we’re living in a constant state of surviving and not thriving. If being busy is feeding your self-worth, ego, and self-importance, then it may be worthwhile to understand at what cost. Look at social media apps today—TikTok, or Instagram Reels—which constantly feed us a never-ending loop of things to do, things to buy, things to learn.
It’s never a badge of honor to be constantly busy. This way of living becomes severely limiting—and of course, exhausting. My recommendation is simple: Just be! You are important because you exist in this world. What would happen if you turned your phone off? Delete the apps every now and then, so you’re not in a constant spiral of needing to buy something, look at something, respond to someone. I hope you will find that just being you is good enough.
9. How we can expand time.
We are constantly in a race for time. When we think of time as linear it is hard to ever get ahead. The reality is that time does not have to be linear. One second of time can contain so much energy, emotions, and awareness than you could imagine.
Practicing mindfulness and non-linear thinking is the best way to expand time. Being deeply rooted and centered in a moment expands it. If we get away from racing time, all of a sudden, our world opens up to so much possibility.
10. People will always find a reason not to like you.
It’s that simple. People-pleasing, or finding yourself constantly anxious about what others may think is pointless because you will never please everyone. We are all authentic beings with our own experiences. Trust that the right people will find you, let the rest do what they want. Understand where your people-pleasing might come from and work on regulating your emotions.
And a quick fire-round:
Technology and advancements in AI will never replace human connection and touch. But we must continually fight for a level of true, meaningful connection and use it mindfully as a tool—not as short-term instant gratification with long-term repercussions.
In-person therapy is more effective—even though virtual therapy sessions are far more convenient for clients.
Let’s work on prioritizing connection over convenience. It will go a long way in making a difference in our lives and in our communities.
The Future of Introspective Family Therapy
Over the past ten years, one of our core values at Introspective has been to serve as embodied therapists. We aim to practice what we preach, walking alongside our clients in their growth—while simultaneously committing to our own.
In recent years, we have seen a need for new systems of doing business and of interacting with the world. This fall, we introduced our Core Transformation Model — which explains how change unfolds, both within ourselves and in the world around us.
This model sets the groundwork for an exciting and creative next decade at Introspective Family Therapy. We’re eager to partner with other healing professionals and cutting-edge practices to adopt these methods, transforming the status quo. Follow me on LinkedIn to stay up-to-date.